Gifts to Your Future Self

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Your future depends on what you do today.

Mahatma Gandhi

I have received many amazing gifts over the years. I consider my marriage a gift. My children and pets are a gift. My friends and extended family are also wonderful gifts. I think it’s important to not take these “gifts” for granted and make the shift to treasure what is right in front of you. When you do that, it becomes all the more obvious that it’s all a gift. The seeds I plant today, whether they be healthy habits, organizing or simplifying my life, are gifts to my future self. This is self care in its truest form.

Here are some ideas that I consider to be gifts to my future self.

  • Choose healthy foods to eat and eat them in a slow and mindful way.
  • Exercise, whether it is daily walks, biking, yoga or weight training. If you can get the body moving, in a way that you enjoy, you will be more likely to make it a habit.
  • Acts of mindfulness, whether it be meditation, technology breaks or being in nature. All of these things nurture the mind.
  • Social connections are also known to nurture the health of the mind. Like meeting up with a friend for lunch or taking a walk with a loved one.
  • Give yourself something to look forward to like planning a vacation, a workshop or some event that you enjoy attending.
  • Forgive. If you are holding onto old wounds, carrying a grudge or even if you find drivers annoying, don’t allow this heaviness a place in your heart.
  • Plan the near future. Plan the week by looking at the calendar on Sunday night. Make your coffee the night before. Fill up the car before it’s near empty.
  • Plan for the more distant future. Set aside money for retirement. Make an end of life plan. Keep your will and living will updated.
  • Establish healthy boundaries. Say no to things that aren’t in your best interest. Choose to be around people that lift you up rather than bring you down. Don’t spend time worrying about what others think of you.
  • Continue to learn new things and be open to growth opportunities when they arise.
  • De-clutter and simplify. We all know how good it feels once the closet is cleaned out and things are organized.
  • Always have clothes that are appropriate for a variety of events in your closet. From something to wear to a last minute party to a funeral.
  • Keep extra birthday cards, gift wrap and maybe even a few gifts at the ready.

These are just a few ideas. I would love to know what gifts you give to your future self. When we take the time to care for ourselves, we naturally have more to give to those around us. And our future selves will be continually grateful for our efforts.

Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present.

Albert Camus

Saying Goodbye

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Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.

Daphne Rose Kingma

It seems like the older I get, the more I find myself saying goodbye. This includes to people, things, and places. I am realizing that in this stage of my life the goodbyes outnumber the hellos. It makes sense that this is happening, I have less life ahead of me than ever before. Yet it still comes as a surprise.

Recently, I was given the news that my long-time Illinois studio, Prairie Yoga, is closing. I had already said my goodbyes on one level, having left Illinois four years ago. When COVID hit, I was asked to teach my class online and have been doing so for almost three years now. It’s been a real gift to continue to connect with students from this community.

However, the actual closing of the studio feels different. When I left I knew that I could always come back to visit. I would be greeted with open arms by my long time yoga community. I would see my beloved teacher and take her class in person. I would lunch with some delightful peers and friends and that sense of connection would remain. Now it feels as if a very important part of my yoga life has come to an end.

The business of yoga has changed post-COVID. There are now so many options online that allow students to practice at home. I, myself, have been taking and teaching classes exclusively online. While there are times that I miss the in-person connection, the convenience of being at home cannot be denied. So it makes sense to me that to run an in-person studio has become more of a burden than a joy.

So now comes the letting go. Not easy to do. I have felt blessed by the opportunity to not only deepen my knowledge of yoga through Prairie Yoga, but have made wonderful life-long friends. The community of Prairie Yoga is large and deep and spans the midwest. It’s a tribute to Lori Gaspar, owner and teacher, that her wisdom and love of yoga has spread across the country. She is warm hearted, intelligent and inclusive. She is a wonderful cheerleader to all fledgling teachers and lifts up those around her. Her semi-retirement is well-earned after many years of mentoring and supporting not only her teacher training students, but also the students of the studio. Lori is truly a gift to all who know her.

There is a connection that is difficult to describe when one talks about a yoga community. Those that have never taken a yoga class will certainly have trouble understanding what I will attempt to write about here. To those unfamiliar with yoga, it is a form of physical exercise that often makes people bend into pretzel-like shapes, called poses. But yoga is so much more than poses. Yes, there is the great library of positions and their multiple levels of variations. But there is also the accompanying philosophy, the breath work, the meditation, and mindfulness that could be a part of any given class. When people come together and are open to all of these aspects of yoga, there is a communion that arises. Students share not only the physical benefits of yoga poses, but also the connection with the spiritual aspects of the practice. To be in one room and share the air, the space and the beauty of yoga is indeed special.

So now, this sense of communion and community is coming to an end. Years and years of shared poses, breath work, meditation and laughs. It cannot be replaced. It was perfect and complete. It can however be remembered in the mind, and hold space in the heart as well. The friendships will remain, maybe taking on a different form. We can take what Prairie and Lori gave us and carry it’s torch forward. It may never look the same, but it can continue to be felt and cherished. As the wise Dr. Suess said, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

A Heart-Centered Life

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The heart is considered to be the seat of the mind. Yoga Sutra 3.35

The Yoga Sutras by Patanjali are considered the companion text to the practice of yoga asana (poses). There are 196 sutras, which translates from Sanskrit to mean threads or discourses. They have been passed down through the generations, at first orally and then at some point committed to written word. There are many interpretations available today and I have four in my own personal library.

As Valentine’s day approaches, I have been pondering what it is like to live a heart-centered life. My definition of what this looks like may be completely different from yours. But I think we can all agree that a life that has love at its core is one worth striving for. I decided to take a deep dive into Patanjali’s wisdom for some advice.

By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous and disregard toward the wicked, the mind-stuff retains its undisturbed calmness. Yoga Sutra 1.33

Here is Patanjali’s wisdom on how to live a life that is heart-centered. He believed that living this way creates a mind that is more calm. As I mentioned above, these translations from ancient texts can be interpreted many ways. In general, this sutra describes four keys or attitudes to help us deal with others in a compassionate way.

The first is “attitudes of friendliness to the happy.” Is it a challenge for you to be happy when you see others leading a happy life? In this day of social media, it seems that everyone is happy. It’s human nature to want to show the world that life is good. We love to post pictures of brunch with girlfriends and pretty new shoes. We are less likely to post about the coffee that got spilled at that brunch or how you left your shoes out and the dog chewed them up. It’s easy to become jealous of all that is going right for those that are happy. Patanjali asks us to take a step back and notice how hard someone worked to have their success. Or how much sorrow that person went through earlier in life that they have now worked through. Happy people in general make other people happy. Make these happy people your friends.

The second key is “compassion for the unhappy.” Most of us encounter unhappy people, hopefully only occasionally. Rather than react to them with anger or ambivalence, is it possible to react with kindness? You never know what a kind word or two can do for someone else.

The third key is “delighting in the virtuous.” These are people that we should try to emulate rather than take down. What are they doing in their daily lives that you could emulate? Try to learn from their wisdom. Then do your best to celebrate the people that live an admirable life.

The fourth key is “disregard for the wicked.” There are going to be those that are beyond our help or compassion. The trick is to not allow their negative energy to bring you down to their level. And don’t bother trying to advise these people, they are not open to hearing you at this point in their lives. By not allowing them to disturb you, you are able to maintain your own peace.

So there it is, a heart-centered life broken down into four steps. Friendliness, compassion, delight and disregard. It seems simple enough. And amazing that it still holds true all these thousands of years later. Putting this into practice is not easy, and could actually be the challenge of a lifetime. The next time you find yourself reacting in your old pattern of criticism or negativity, I hope you catch yourself and remember these heart-centered keys.

Inverting in the New Year

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My New Year/Birthday resolution is to take the year 2023 and turn it upside down. Well, maybe not the year, but myself! I have been thinking of a new way to bring more inversions into my yoga practice and am now committing to doing some kind of inversion everyday of my 59th year. I am making a list that I will place in a “spin the wheel’ app on my phone and do the pose the wheel lands on each day.

There are many proven benefits to inversions, including; an increase in blood circulation and lymphatic drainage, reduced fatigue, better uptake of oxygen into the bloodstream, reduction of swelling, and lowering of the heart rate. Inversions can also increase alertness, build strength, endurance, flexibility, and confidence, as well as bring a sense of humility, patience and perseverance into your daily life.

Inversions can be done by most people. If you would like to join me in this commitment, I would be happy to suggest inversions that will match where you are in your practice. There are more poses that count as an inversion than you might think. It’s basically any pose where your head is lower than your heart. However, those with high blood pressure or injuries in the low back, neck or lower limbs should probably wait until your symptoms have eased before practicing.

Whatever your intentions and resolutions might be in the new year, know that I support you. Adding something new, or eliminating something old is not easy. I plan to share how it’s going for me throughout the year. True change takes time and patience with yourself. It is my hope that you face the new year with enough resolve that your resolutions become a part of you the whole year through. Happy New Year to you and yours!

Your Gifts

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I played my best for him and he smiled at me.

The Little Drummer Boy

When one thinks of The Little Drummer Boy under a literal lens, it’s a bit far-fetched to think that a new mother would allow a little boy to play his drum around a new born baby. Mary truly was a saint. It is, however, a great lesson for all of us to remember. Each of us has unique gifts. Do we take the time to truly understand what they are? It’s quite easy to see talent in others. We are quick to compliment someone’s singing voice or their flair for fashion. But when the spotlight is reflected back toward us, it’s often hard to accept those compliments and lean into what truly makes us special.

I was raised to be humble and not a braggart, and I don’t think I really thought about what my gifts were until my forties. I remember during my yoga teacher training, my instructor taught me the valuable, and necessary, lesson of projecting my voice so that all students could hear me. That powerful lesson taught me that I had something valuable to share with others. Kind of my own drummer boy moment.

As this year comes to an end and a fresh new year approaches, think about your own unique talents and gifts. Write them down, say them out loud to a trusted friend and own what makes you, You. Time is too precious to not step into your power. So, to get us started, I will now list what I believe to be my gifts. It still makes me cringe a bit to put it out there like this, but here goes. I would love for this to be the start of a dialogue amongst us, each of us owning who we are.

  • I am a great yoga teacher
  • I am a good writer
  • I am a great listener
  • I am good at finding humor in any given situation
  • I am good at nurturing others
  • I am mindful and organized

You and I are gifts to this weary world. Give of yourself just as you would give a present to a loved one at the holidays. It is with humble gratitude that I thank you for reading this blog and supporting my online teaching. May this special time of year fill your heart with love and joy and sustain you into the new year.

Gratitude for…

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Gratitude for...

This physical body that houses my unique spirit.
This life force energy that propels me through the day.
This mind that has thoughts both spacious and focused.
These senses that absorb the world around me.
These hands that work with dexterity.
These feet that feel solid underneath me.
This heart that has felt the spectrum of emotions, from complete desolation to boundless joy.
For this life, I am grateful. I am complete.

HOME

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There’s no place like home.

Dorothy Gale

I have spent some time recently in my home town of Wichita, KS. I have not actually resided there since 1996, yet it still gives me a sense of home when I am there. I never had aspirations of leaving Kansas. Life was easy there and I had close friends and family around me. As new job opportunities came up, we took them and that took us away from home. We have moved more than we planned to over the years…that’s how life goes. But I have loved each new town we have spent time in. We have made many lifelong friends and had so many wonderful experiences because of those opportunities.

But there is just something about going home. There is a feeling of belonging. No matter how long I am away, I am welcomed back. The multiple homes I lived in over the years all belong to others now. Both of my parents and other family members are gone now too. But I still have my beloved in-laws, my brother and his family, and several cousins to connect with when I’m there.

I have spent time in my in-laws home for forty years now. When I think of home, that is where my mind immediately goes. So many memories come to mind when I pull into their driveway. I see reflections of the early years of visiting my boyfriend’s house, to a few years later bringing my babies over to see Grammy and Papa Buzz, to just recently introducing them to their great-grandchild. No matter the occasion, I’m always met at the door with love and acceptance. Which is usually followed by a cold drink and an amazing meal.

Home isn’t necessarily a place. It’s more of a feeling in your heart. Certain people and places give this to us. It’s an interesting meditation to ponder what home means to you. For me, home will always mean Kansas.

Some things that make me a Kansan:

  • I have a fascination with big thunderstorms that might produce tornados.
  • I start to feel claustrophobic if I can’t see the horizon.
  • It still feels strange to buy liquor at a grocery store, especially on a Sunday.
  • I have never lost the feeling of needing to use hairspray thanks to the ever present Kansas wind.
  • I say “hi” to everyone. Midwesterners are a friendly bunch.
  • Yes, I have attempted to tip a cow. I was unsuccessful.
  • I call them lightening bugs.
  • I say ar-KAN-sas River, not AR-kan-saw River.
  • I have come to the conclusion that mosquitos and humidity seem to work in tandem during Kansas summers.
  • I have a deep understanding of farm-to-table. The life of a farmer is not an easy one.
  • I feel a lot pride that the University of Kansas is the birthplace of basketball.
  • I hold close the memory of fried chicken dinner at Grandma’s house on Sunday afternoon.

Fear

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We are living in fear filled days. Fires, violence, sickness and death seem to dominate our news and our conversations. And even if we try and filter our news and conversations, fear finds other ways to manifest itself. Fear can come from the idea of being separated from something or someone that we think we need in order to feel secure or happy. Fear can come from being threatened by others. Fear can come from ignorance or self grasping. Fear can come from a past traumatic event that leaves a lasting influence. And, of course, fear of death can also have a very powerful effect.

When we let our fear or anger based emotions take up residence, it gives those emotions more power than they deserve. In yoga, we call these impressions Samaskaras. They are often compared to grooves in the road that get driven over again and again. Over time, these imprints begin to contribute to behavior patterns that can then lead to the forming of habits. Then that fear takes hold and feeds upon itself. One way to combat this negative cycle is to acknowledge the source of the fear and ask yourself why you feel this way.

  1. Do you have a fear of losing someone or something?
  2. Do you have a fear based on a threat from an outside force?
  3. Do you have a fear based on grasping or ignorance?
  4. Do you have a fear based on a traumatic event in the past?
  5. Do you have a fear of death?

Once you ask yourself these questions and acknowledge their presence, say to yourself “I am feeling this way because of my fear of ______ and I am not going to allow these feelings to create a Samaskara.”

Let that fearful thought move through you and don’t allow it to stick or create a rut or groove. It’s as if your mind/body is a filter and you let the worst of it pass through, not allowing it to take up residence. Then see if there is something positive or loving to focus on in its place.

In the wisdom of Buddha:

The thought manifests as the word,
The word manifests as the deed,
The deed develops into habit,
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love.
Born out of concern for all beings..

As the shadow follows the body,
As we think, so we become.

Buddha

A Good Scare

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The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. ~ Joseph Campbell

Fear was once our primal survival technique. The good news is that we don’t live in a time where our very existence is threatened on a daily basis. I have two older siblings, and I am pretty certain that they helped introduce me to the idea of fear. I can remember stories about the creepy house on our street. The giant bug waiting to bite me in a certain bush. The secret pathway that might have ghosts. All of it childhood play, but also a starting point to fearing the unknown.

This time of year we often explore what it feels like to be afraid. Halloween has become one of our biggest holidays. I think it’s become so popular because it gives us a way of coping with our inner fears in a safe way. We watch scary movies that have us on the edge of our seats, or in my case, pacing the room. We visit haunted houses to allow others to scare and threaten us in a safe way.

What happens when we are in this frightened state? Heart rate increases, there is a sense of heightened awareness, palms sweat, and every nerve seems to tingle. In some ways, we are never more fully alive than when we are in a state of fear. Maybe that’s why so many teens enjoy a scary movie, novel or haunted house.

Teens love to push the boundaries of what it feels like to be fully alive. As we get older, we often let go of this need. Life itself can often become scary enough. Deep fears can manifest into anxiety and phobias, which can lead to the need for professional help. But for less serious fears it can actually be fun to visit this dark side. To visit that heightened sense, in a safe way, can often give us a boost in confidence once we are on the other side. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, ” Do one thing every day that scares you.”

Let Go

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“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past, letting go is knowing there’s a future.”
~ Daphne Rise Kingma

This simple phrase is loaded with meaning. I am of a certain age, with an empty nest, and I have done quite a bit of letting go. I have written before about selling most of our household items and moving to an apartment in a new state. I continue to enjoy my minimalist lifestyle, and letting go of those items helps me feel light and unencumbered.

As we get older, I realize how much of life involves letting go. As we watch our daughter’s new family grow, I am reminded of our time as new parents. Infants are completely dependent on their caretakers. Yet with each new milestone, that baby is making his way to independence, and so begins the process of letting them go. The reward is seeing our children become independent adults. Now our role is supporter and cheerleader. We do our best to only offer advice when asked (easier said than done).

I have also been thinking lately about being too emotionally attached to “things.” For example, when we lose someone close to us, it’s obviously heartbreaking. But as the grieving eases, we sometimes find ourselves clinging to items they have left behind. There is true comfort in treasures from a loved one. They can be touchstones in the grieving process. But clinging to them can be unhealthy. I have small remembrances from my great grandmother, my grandparents, my dad, my brother, and my mother. These tokens do not bring back their love for me. That is stored in my heart and never, ever leaves me. Do I need every sweater, every piece of jewelry, every item that reminds me of them? No. I choose to let go instead.

So let’s let go:

  • Let go of the story of your past. Let the present moment define who you are.
  • Let go of material items that no longer serve you. Less clutter, less to dust.
  • Let go of people that are too much work. You will know who they are if they deplete your energy rather than bring you joy.
  • Let go of habits that have become ingrained simply because of repetition, not because they actually make you better.
  • Let go of lingering hurt and hostilities. Holding on to these feelings only causes you harm.
  • Let go of long held grief. Some losses are too big to ever get over, but consider trying to pivot to a place of gratitude for what that person brought to your life.
  • Let go of the idea that you can control your future. Worrying about the future is the root cause of anxiety. When has worry every changed an outcome? Life does not happen in a predictable way. Never has and never will.

The heart yearns to feel light. Let go to make room for whatever is coming next. Most likely it is bigger and better than you can even imagine.

“You can’t reach what’s in from of you until you let go of what’s behind you.” ~Unknown