I am late to the celebration of International Women’s Day. But the idea of strong women has been on my mind a lot lately. The above photo is a picture of my mother on her wedding day to my dad. She is surrounded by my grandmothers, aunts, cousin and my sister. There are not many photos to commemorate this day as the photographer forgot to put film in the camera. This is what happens when you try to cut costs and hire a friend. So the fact that this particular photo exists makes it all the more special. And while not every female I admire in my family is in this photo, I am blessed to be surrounded not only in my family but also my husband’s family with courageous, strong, selfless women.
Our daughter, Caroline, gave birth to our first grandson, Jaxon Richard Gaspari, in February. Needless to say, we are over the moon in love. This past month has been eventful for Caroline and her husband, Jordan. While I won’t go into detail here, it’s become clear to me that we have added a new member to the strong women club. I already knew that Caroline could be a member. In the past, she has faced some tough situations in her life with poise and strength.
This past month has solidified her membership. Becoming a mother takes a woman to a whole new place that requires more patience, more fortitude and more love. I have been proud to watch her rise to the occasion. While no parent wants to see their child go through struggles, I know moving forward she will be the better for it. Each new challenge will only make her stronger. Plus, she has a heavenly chorus of strong women backing her up, and quite a few in this realm to lend a hand.
And yes, I still have my mother’s pillbox wedding hat.
We are going to be grandparents! It is a moment we have hoped for but didn’t dare assume would happen. Since I learned this joyous news, I have been filled with so many emotions.
This time before our sweet grand baby is born is full of potential, anticipation and excitement. The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word “pregnant” as “full of meaning” and in use dating back to the 15th century. This goes along with the definition of pregnant pause. The pregnant pause is a “silence full of potential in the way a pregnant body is full of a new human being. A pregnant pause leaves the listener full of anticipation, just like a pregnancy is full of excitement and the forthcoming baby.”
This news officially takes us to a new stage in life. Yoga master B.K.S. Iyengar talks about the four stages in human life in his book “Light on Life.” The first stage is called Brahmacharya in Sanskrit. The translation suggests self control and discipline. This stage is our childhood and adolescence. We go to school and channel our childhood energy into learning. Our parents inform and discipline us to be able to conform to society.
The second stage is called Grhasthasrama in Sanskrit, meaning “house.” This is the householder stage. We have finished with school and live on our own with potentially a home and a spouse. Books and school work are now replaced with the joys of family life.
The third stage, Vanaprasthasrama , or “transition” is the stage that Rob and I have now entered. This is a time to transition away from work and career, and focus on a deep involvement with one’s family. It is a time to continue to learn and grow but to let go of goal driven activities. In other words, letting the ego soften. It’s also a time to share the knowledge that has been acquired over the years.
The final stage, if one is lucky to live long enough, is the Sannyasa stage or a time of renunciation. It is the stage of ultimate detachment and a time of preparing for death. There is deep rooted wisdom at this stage learned from a long life. It is often referred to as the “old crone” period.
Being in our current stage, transition, fills me with joy. I find myself thinking back to the days when our children were little. I have lost the memories of the day-to-day care and stress of family life. Now what stands out to me is the joy of what children bring to life. I think this is nature’s way of guiding us into our new role. It’s our turn to help our kids see the big picture. We can support the new parents in the way that our parents supported us. Rob and I have had such great examples of this in our own parents.
In particular, Rob’s folks were there in ways that were so valuable to us. I don’t think they ever said “no” to anything we asked of them. This included leaving our eight month old baby with them so we could vacation in Mexico for nine days. The kids loved being in their home. “Vanilla Milk” was invented there to make our daughter feel better about not liking hot chocolate. One of Grammy’s favorite things to say to our son was, “let’s see how much trouble we can get into.” That usually meant getting two toys at Toys R Us instead of one.
As new parents, they soothed us with their gentle wisdom. There was never judgement, just support and love. In their minds, our kids and all of their grandkids were the most special people ever born. And they still are the best cheerleaders for us all. They are the example that I keep in my heart as we wait in this special pregnant pause. In six months our new grand baby will arrive and it will be our turn to see “how much trouble we can get into” as we love, cherish and support this brand new family.
The ancient language of Sanskrit is based on the vibration created by combining various sounds for a desired effect. When we chant “Om” or Aum” during yoga or meditation, Indian wisdom describes it as the sound that most mimics the original vibration of the universe. So when we chant, or speak, we are connecting to our universe and pushing that vibration out into our world. However, that comes with a responsibility.
I think we have lost sight of that responsibility, and the weight that our words carry. We are too quick to go negative. Too quick to use words like hate, sucks, crazy, weird, ugly, dumb, stupid, moron, not to mention the more colorful words that I won’t print here. Granted, we have a lot to be upset about these days. But when we react to negativity with more negativity it feels like our vibration as a whole spirals downward.
When our kids were little, I recall my father-in-law disparaging our use of a pacifier beyond the first few months of their lives. He was concerned that it would stifle their ability to express themselves. I think that we continue to stifle ourselves by using the lowest denominator of words. Word choice matters. Before speaking, consider using these well known filters of speech: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it helpful? It is the right time?
And what about what Grandma said? “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” It’s ok to say nothing sometimes, especially if it protects you from going down to someone else’s level.
To produce a more positive vibration, consider your words before they leave your mouth. Do they sound pleasing? Do they get your point across with ease? Can you soften the harsh edges to create a greater cadence to the sound of your voice? Let’s change the sound of our universe right now.
“If you cannot be a poet, be the poem.” David Carradine
The Yoga Goat 