Tag: #grandparents

Let Go

On By theyogagoat4 Comments
“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past, letting go is knowing there’s a future.”
~ Daphne Rise Kingma

This simple phrase is loaded with meaning. I am of a certain age, with an empty nest, and I have done quite a bit of letting go. I have written before about selling most of our household items and moving to an apartment in a new state. I continue to enjoy my minimalist lifestyle, and letting go of those items helps me feel light and unencumbered.

As we get older, I realize how much of life involves letting go. As we watch our daughter’s new family grow, I am reminded of our time as new parents. Infants are completely dependent on their caretakers. Yet with each new milestone, that baby is making his way to independence, and so begins the process of letting them go. The reward is seeing our children become independent adults. Now our role is supporter and cheerleader. We do our best to only offer advice when asked (easier said than done).

I have also been thinking lately about being too emotionally attached to “things.” For example, when we lose someone close to us, it’s obviously heartbreaking. But as the grieving eases, we sometimes find ourselves clinging to items they have left behind. There is true comfort in treasures from a loved one. They can be touchstones in the grieving process. But clinging to them can be unhealthy. I have small remembrances from my great grandmother, my grandparents, my dad, my brother, and my mother. These tokens do not bring back their love for me. That is stored in my heart and never, ever leaves me. Do I need every sweater, every piece of jewelry, every item that reminds me of them? No. I choose to let go instead.

So let’s let go:

  • Let go of the story of your past. Let the present moment define who you are.
  • Let go of material items that no longer serve you. Less clutter, less to dust.
  • Let go of people that are too much work. You will know who they are if they deplete your energy rather than bring you joy.
  • Let go of habits that have become ingrained simply because of repetition, not because they actually make you better.
  • Let go of lingering hurt and hostilities. Holding on to these feelings only causes you harm.
  • Let go of long held grief. Some losses are too big to ever get over, but consider trying to pivot to a place of gratitude for what that person brought to your life.
  • Let go of the idea that you can control your future. Worrying about the future is the root cause of anxiety. When has worry every changed an outcome? Life does not happen in a predictable way. Never has and never will.

The heart yearns to feel light. Let go to make room for whatever is coming next. Most likely it is bigger and better than you can even imagine.

“You can’t reach what’s in from of you until you let go of what’s behind you.” ~Unknown

The Pregnant Pause

On By theyogagoat5 Comments

We are going to be grandparents! It is a moment we have hoped for but didn’t dare assume would happen. Since I learned this joyous news, I have been filled with so many emotions.

This time before our sweet grand baby is born is full of potential, anticipation and excitement. The Oxford English Dictionary defines the word “pregnant” as “full of meaning” and in use dating back to the 15th century. This goes along with the definition of pregnant pause. The pregnant pause is a “silence full of potential in the way a pregnant body is full of a new human being. A pregnant pause leaves the listener full of anticipation, just like a pregnancy is full of excitement and the forthcoming baby.”

This news officially takes us to a new stage in life. Yoga master B.K.S. Iyengar talks about the four stages in human life in his book “Light on Life.” The first stage is called Brahmacharya in Sanskrit. The translation suggests self control and discipline. This stage is our childhood and adolescence. We go to school and channel our childhood energy into learning. Our parents inform and discipline us to be able to conform to society.

The second stage is called Grhasthasrama in Sanskrit, meaning “house.” This is the householder stage. We have finished with school and live on our own with potentially a home and a spouse. Books and school work are now replaced with the joys of family life.

The third stage, Vanaprasthasrama , or “transition” is the stage that Rob and I have now entered. This is a time to transition away from work and career, and focus on a deep involvement with one’s family. It is a time to continue to learn and grow but to let go of goal driven activities. In other words, letting the ego soften. It’s also a time to share the knowledge that has been acquired over the years.

The final stage, if one is lucky to live long enough, is the Sannyasa stage or a time of renunciation. It is the stage of ultimate detachment and a time of preparing for death. There is deep rooted wisdom at this stage learned from a long life. It is often referred to as the “old crone” period.

Being in our current stage, transition, fills me with joy. I find myself thinking back to the days when our children were little. I have lost the memories of the day-to-day care and stress of family life. Now what stands out to me is the joy of what children bring to life. I think this is nature’s way of guiding us into our new role. It’s our turn to help our kids see the big picture. We can support the new parents in the way that our parents supported us. Rob and I have had such great examples of this in our own parents.

In particular, Rob’s folks were there in ways that were so valuable to us. I don’t think they ever said “no” to anything we asked of them. This included leaving our eight month old baby with them so we could vacation in Mexico for nine days. The kids loved being in their home. “Vanilla Milk” was invented there to make our daughter feel better about not liking hot chocolate. One of Grammy’s favorite things to say to our son was, “let’s see how much trouble we can get into.” That usually meant getting two toys at Toys R Us instead of one.

As new parents, they soothed us with their gentle wisdom. There was never judgement, just support and love. In their minds, our kids and all of their grandkids were the most special people ever born. And they still are the best cheerleaders for us all. They are the example that I keep in my heart as we wait in this special pregnant pause. In six months our new grand baby will arrive and it will be our turn to see “how much trouble we can get into” as we love, cherish and support this brand new family.